Facial hair

ESPN.com has a chat feature, where random sports figured or journalists go on and, for about an hour, mingle with us common folk. Well, today had an interesting guest. Dr. Aaron Perlut of the American Mustache Instutite. For about an hour, he took questions on all mustache or mustache-related topics. Well, one question and answer really caught my eye...

Kevin (Columbus): I've always wanted to grow a mighty 'stache, but i lack the required amounts of lip hair to fulfill this dream.... any tips?

Dr. Aaron Perlut: Drink vast quantities of beer and eat lots of bacon. Then rub bacon strips upon your upper lip.

I have always wanted a lip sweater to call my own, but I have been denied by genetics at every turn. Now I have learned the secret to a majestic mustache. I can finally look like some of my heroes...

Like Mike Piazza

Hulk Hogan

and, of course, Ron Jeremy.

So starting tonight, I will start rubbing my face with the almighty bacon. I will do so everyday until I grow a majestic mustache that everyone can admire. But I must make sure that I do not overdo it, or else I would end up like this:

That would be a "No Es Bueno" siutation.